"Up" by Margaret Atwood

The speaker of the poem is expressing a sense of confusion. Did he ar she commit some regretful act or does the speaker really have a fear of what lies out there? It seems as of he or she if having an internal battle about the pros and cons of living their own life. Sometimes they want to get UP and other times they have nothing to leave for, but death. There is nothing left to fear, but DEATH itself, and then we get up. The speaker is having a dialogue with their mind and is conjuring up these situations that will cause him or her to, "[move] an arm or the head." He or she cannot "forget all that and get up." This last line stuck with me and made me drop my jaw out of excitement, "Now here's a good one: you're lying on you deathbed. You have one hour to live. Who is it, exactly, you have needed to all these years to forgive." We will never know if the speaker needs to forgive themself for something or is it someone or something else that is hindering the speaker's productivity?